On Saturday I went to a funeral. Being busy, I suggested that my siblings and I make it a day trip: 4 hours down, 4 hours back. They, also being busy, agreed. Being in a car with my brother and sister is always fun. Despite our slow descent into middle-age (our family doesn't usually make it past their 60s), when together we act like children. My brother farts, blames it on my sister, my sister protests loudly that it wasn't her! she swears! while I roll down the window and gag. We laugh ourselves sick for hours on end and arrive at our destination spent from the hilarity.
Saturday was no different, but on the ride home the conversation took a turn that left me confused and wondering. Background: we left at the butt-crack of dawn. Since we were strapped for time, we made a pit stop at a gas station where my sister loaded up on some breakfast-style snacks. Being a vegetarian (woo!), I opted not to eat the microwaved sausage and egg biscuits. Also? It was supremely early and my stomach wasn't ready for food. Instead, I drank a large coffee and a 20 ounce Coke and a bottle of water. (I'm hardcore about the beverages.) About an hour into the ride, the nausea hit. It wasn't anything horrible, just my body's way of telling me that I had ingested lots 'o sugar and none o' food. So when my brother made a sudden lane change, my stomach flip-flopped in a chunk-raising sort of way. I mentioned to him that I was nauseous (ie: "Dude, stop swerving. My belly's seriously not happy at the moment.") and what did he do? He started weaving all over the road, asking, "This doesn't bother you, does it? *swerve left* How 'bout this? *swerve right*" to which I shrieked, "STOP SWERVING LEST I VOMIT ALL OVER YOUR DASHBOARD!"
And there's the set-up for the story.
On the way home, my sister asked my brother for a man's opinion on something her boss had said to her. This turned into a "man's view of the world" conversation. As my brother expounded on men and the way that they think, he leaned to me, put his hands on my shoulders, and said, "That means, Canary, that you should keep all that nausea stuff to yourself. Men don't like to think of women as being sick, and really... It's just annoying."
My response? To get a tad angry. My complaint about being nauseous was not long-winded, nor did I harp on about it. And the context in which my brother's admonition was made only increased my anger. It was a conversation about work. WORK. Which meant that my brother saw me as being a whiner and a complainer AT WORK. Uh, hello? I don't whine at work. That's what the Internet is for.
The conversation went further downhill when I was chastised for my lack of diplomacy, my "obvious" disrespect of my company's authority figures, my snarky and sarcastic manner of being, and my failure at "playing the game." By this time my sister had jumped aboard the Canary Ass-Kickin' Train and agreed, "Yeah, Canary. You do have a tendency to scare people. But don't take it personally, it's just a lesson that we all have to learn as we get older."
Puh-lease. Do not patronize me. I am not a spring chicken when it comes to the corporate world. Sure, there's a lot that I have yet to learn and sure, I lack certain diplomacy skills when it comes to THIS JOB but there is a good reason for that. Does that mean that I'm a complaining dunderhead that needs to be taught how to bat her eyes and declare others' ideas to be "inspired" and "brilliant" when indeed they ARE NOT? If it looks like crap and it smells like crap then the odds are that it IS crap and hot damn, I'm going to point it out.
I know that my face is an open book. I know that there are times when I need to dial it down a bit. But do not - DO NOT - sit in a car and tell me that all men hate listening to women talk, that they are just putting in time because they have to. Do not tell me that I have to pretend to be something I am not to gain the respect and admiration of men. Do not tell me that men only want the girl that never gets nauseous. Because people? I AM THE GIRL THAT DRINKS SUGARY DRINKS AND GETS NAUSEOUS. Also? My right breast seems intent on coming out of my bra today. And my shoes? Are hurting my feet so badly that I have taken them off. And what's more, I didn't blowdry my hair today. And I'm not wearing make-up. And my mouth tastes like ass because of something I ate yesterday. And if any men have a problem with that? They can shove it up their pipe and smoke it.
I can't believe that this is the way the world works. I know that some of what they said is true, but I will not be something that I am not. Perhaps I can work on being more diplomatic and a tad less sarcastic, but I will never - NEVER - refrain from telling someone I'm nauseous if I am. Especially if that means that they will STOP SWERVING ALL OVER THE ROAD.
Cripes. It's too early in the week to be this worked up.
Post-Birthday Reflections
15 hours ago
13 comments:
I'm with ya girl! All the way.
Well, except for this...
"And my mouth tastes like ass because of something I ate yesterday."
That's not so nice.
But we out here in the gaseosphere NEVER doubted you, Ms. Canary.
You should have hurled all over him as proof that there was nothing hyperbolic about your warning.
The family criticism always gets me way too hard. My brother tells me I'm intimidating, and I'm all like, what the fuck? I'm tall and I tend to be loud when I'm nervous, so all of a sudden my lack of marriedness has to do with men's inability to see past my amazon body and a penchant for laughing too much?
And my mother? Are you sure you're not selling yourself too short in this job that you have right now? You're better than that, you're not applying yourself enough. And I'm like, "Hello? I got FIRED from my last job for being drunk while there. Who the fuck do you think is going to hire me?"
The family stuff? It always hurts way more than it does from your friends.
Kate - maybe if you apologized and said, 'pretty please?'
BrianAlt - huh? You don't seem to be responding to anything Kate said. And if you are, you're being, at best, mildly offensive.
Canary - I for one am shocked to see that you are still running around, with shoes on! and not shackled to the stove with enough length to reach the bed. Oh, wait, I remember what you did to the last stove. Never mind.
Tell your brother that the 1950s called, and it wants its oppressive, misogynistic and sexist opinions back.
T
And you can also tell him that the Jerk Store is holding on line two for him.
T
brianalt - Perhaps not, but it's the truth! Garlic, I think it was. And dude, your comment to Kate was uncool. I'm sure it was meant in jest, but Kate's past isn't something she jokes about.
wunelle - Hindsight :-) Next time the gloves are off and the vomit's out.
kate - Crikies, girl. I think you and I are one and the same. I, too, am an amazon that laughs too much. And you're right, family criticism is the WORST. It stings more :-(
t - You know, I had to think about your "chained to the stove" comment for a second. I got caught up on the "chain." ;-) And I agree with you, 'tho not as forcefully since he's my big brother and I love him like mad.
Well, I don't think Kate's past is funny and I respect her for taking it on directly (which it seems to me she is doing). Actually I was making fun of her mother for not understanding the situation. I apologize if it came off the wrong way, and apparently it did.
Alrighty?
this is not good pie. at all. this is very very bad pie. so, your sibs think you should be another sheep? because that's really going to change the world for the better? wow. i think that someone who says it like it is instead of kissing ass all the time has way more impact IN A GOOD WAY.
i hope you never take the advice they gave you. ever.
this also makes me even more grateful for my brother. he's always super supportive. as evidenced by his email. *sniffle*
so wait - you're an amazon woman? I'M AN AMAZON WOMAN. 5'10", yo.
(sorry if this is all out of sorts - my brain isn't working too well today. because i had to get all emo and cry myself to sleep and now i have a cry hangover, complete with what i call "fetus face" - it's when your eyes are all puffy and you can't look at bright light without them watering. yeah.)
Not offended. I took it in jest, brian. And thanks for all of you who stand up for me *sniff*, seriously. My mom's (who never worked outside the home in the corporate world btw) opinion on job stuff is always pretty wildly out of line.
And artifact? I'm 5'11. We're all amazons it appears....
With me, it's the hair. My brother is ex-army and my mom is, well, my mom. I'm 51 years old and every time I see family they STILL have some comment to make to me about my decision to wear my hair long. Get over it. Do they believe that after all this time I'm suddenly going to say, "You know, you're right. I will change my evil ways." It ain't gonna happen.
Almost all men (relations or not) are easily scared off by a lady who aren't afraid of giving their opinions.
He's just lucky you didn't throw up on his lap. Then let's see who complains!
What a crazy generalization that is 'single'.
How did you come to this conclusion?
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