Thinking Outside The Box

Today I had a meeting in which I heard a statistic that gave me a Brilliant Idea. A representative from one of the area counties was discussing the effects of the projected population growth over the next ten years, focusing on infrastructure and the horrendous traffic that is the State of Maryland.

The speaker said that the amount of money the county pays PER COMMUTER per year, based on a 22.5 mile commute, was $185,000. This money goes toward road maintenance, construction, etc. I have a 110 mile commute, so that means that the county pays more than $904,000 a year just to maintain the roads upon which I, the maniac driving Canary, travel.

That being said, here is my Brilliant Idea: the county can PAY ME the $904,000 a year and I will STAY HOME. I won’t travel their precious roads. What’s more, I’d be willing to cut them a break and take, say, only $600K. It’s a win-win situation, y’all! They save money, traffic is reduced, there’s less wear-and-tear on highways, one more very bad driver is off of the road (thus making the world a safer place) and, best of all, I GET TO STAY HOME. But not only that, I’d make MORE money than I make now! A whole lotta more-a! Everyone’s happy!

I’m off to write a letter to the County Head Honcho, telling him my Brilliant Idea and giving him permission to directly deposit my no-drive salary into my checking account.